Let this be a lesson

Friends, can I just share a few bits of wisdom?
1. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT pick up your four and half year old laptop by the screen. The screen, you see, is attached at a hinge. That hinge is made of plastic. Your laptop is heavy. Things are bound to go wrong.
 
What’s that, [...]

Ray-on

Apparently, I have a Southern accent. Have you noticed this? My students have noticed this. So, apparently, has my friend Julie, who was born and bred in southern California.  And in case I ever forget that I’m an extended vowel sound away from sounding like a normal American, I have a conversation with Julie in which a name [...]

No prosthetic leg, no hefty divorce settlement

To the students who keep writing “Heather Mills” on the papers they’re turning into me, I am not–once and for all–the former wife of Paul McCartney.  But close. And thanks, all the same. At least you’re not calling me “the redheaded one,” like last year.

Kthxbai

Is it really so wrong to eBay things an ex has given you to pay for your graduate school expenditures? No, right? That’s what I thought. Thanks for understanding.

About a particular person who embodies all these things

While yvetching with a friend today about men…no, strike that, one man, I  used the term “fuckwit” in a sentence.  I then spent five minutes convincing her that, charming as it was, this term did not originate with me.  No, really, I swear, at least one person put it down to ink before I spoke it aloud. Her [...]

Ideas

This is officially my recipe book until I have the time and energy to cook again when it finally (IF IT EVER WILL) cools off here. Have I adequately expressed how over the heat I am?
Anway, peep this fantastical list of animal friendly meal suggestions, courtesy of the urban vegan, who rocks:
101 Vegan Meal Ideas 
To celebrate, [...]

Ruined

Am I the last person on the planet to learn that what I thought was a sweet song about two young lovers separated by distance….
 Hey there, Delilah
…was really evidence of a songwriters’ overblown crush?  Dude, been there. Geez, and I thought you guys had something really special. Oh, the betrayal.
See, this is what comes of not having [...]

The temperature at which blogging stops

Christ is it HOT here. And I swear to each of you people who told me, but it’s a dry heat, then YOU should be the one forced to commute from the two furthest parts of campus at the hottest part of the day and then try to tell me you are anything approximating dry.
Honest to [...]

I’d say so

Is there anything quite as embarrasing as looking up from your your basket in the Express Lane of a grocery store and realizing that your cashier is the first student you flunked at the end of last semester?
Oooh, I don’t know, maybe if the only three items in your cart were lettuce, carrots, and Super [...]

Questions for my subletters

Okay, first off, the bed. What the motherfucking hell? You bent that leg at a complete 90 degree angle and then shoved a hunk of metal under the bed so I wouldn’t immediately notice it was broken. Low. I cannot believe you didn’t have the balls to just own up to it, especially given [...]