For the most part, my studio apartment is relatively sound-proof. Which is fortunate, given that my neighbors are mostly students in their late teens and early twenties. Inexplicably, though, I can hear almost every conversation that happens outside my bathroom window. The construction around that window is a lot older than my new fangled living room windows, apparently. And given that my apartment overlooks our parking lot, I have the privilege of overhearing a lot of private conversations, drunken debauchery, and people having shouting matches with their cell phones. It’s all really very entertaining.
Last night, for instance, I heard a gentleman and his friend apparently practicing for a night out. Their “practice” consisted of a single phrase said, between giggles, over and over and over again. The phrase was, simply:
“What’s up, ya cunt”
Muffled laughter.
“I said….what’s up, ya cunt.”
Guffaws.
“Yeah, ya cunt, what’s UP?”
Now, gentlemen, a word of advice. I may not be the most active participant on the modern dating scene, but I have a feeling that such a phrase would generally not make the best opening line. You might consider an alternative. For instance, “Hello, how are you? My name is Fred.” Or perhaps, “Hello there, what lovely earrings you’re wearing.” Or even, “I respect women very much and would NEVER spend an evening drunkenly repeating misogynistic terms outside any of their residences. Oh, and would you like to dance?”
All might be appropriate substitutes. Consider it.
